Ram Dass is the only man we ever need.
Two weeks ago I had a "FLARE". I call it a flare because my whole body and brain feel like the gas was turn up and someone flicked a zippo. I become itchy, light sensitive, sore in specific places like the spot next to my funny bone or two inches above my ear will have sharp pains. Then it gets hard to speak. like my mouth forgot how to make words. Then the real pain sets in and the real thoughts about how I shouldnt have bene born and the only way to correct that catastrophic failure is to actually correct it. I have no idea where the pain medication lives in my house. My guy just brings it to me when I need it.
Main Image from the New York Times, modified with flowers by me.
Most suicides arent planned, they are impulsive. People decide and then do it within 5-30 mins. I have no idea what it means to NOT think about killing myself. Its something thats been there as long as I can remember. A little friend that snakes though my brain and poisons everything it passes. Some days he moves real fast and some days he sleeps, but he's always there.
So about two weeks ago I was basically paralyzed in my bed, without the energy to even turn music on and I remembered Ram Dass. That's how I know that It's going to be ok. That this isnt forever and I'm starting to come back. I remember something. I opened spotify and pulled up the podcast and hit the first one on the list. Usually I spin it like a slot machine. Everything is an oracle.
It was Episode 280. The second half really put the snake to sleep. It took another 12 hours to get me out of the bed but GOD these words. Hit me so hard. I had to come back and listen to it again and then type it out and then tell you about it. And then while looking for when it was created I found that it exists on youtube as Jon Hopkins with Ram Dass, East Forest - Sit Around The Fire. You should listen to it, but I also wrote it out.....
Beyond all polarities, I am. Let the judgments and opinions of the mind be judgements and opinions of the mind and you exist behind that It's really time for you to see through the absurdity of your own predicament. You aren't who you thought you were, you just aren't that person, and in this very lifetime you can know it right now.The real work you have to do is in the privacy of your own heart. All of the external forms are lovely but the real work is your inner connection. If you are quiet when you meditate, if you truly open your heart. Just quiet your mind. Open your heart. Quiet the mind. Open the heart. How do you quiet the mind? You meditate. How do you open the heart? You start to love that which you can love and just keep expanding it. You love a tree, you love a river, you love a leaf, you love a flower, you love a cat, you love a human but go deeper and deeper into that love. Until you love that which is the source of light behind all of them. You don't worship the gate you go into the inner temple. Everything in you that you don't need, you can let go of. You don't need loneliness, for you couldn't possibly be alone. You don't need greed because you already have it al. You don't need doubt because you already know. The confusion is saying I don't know but the minute you are quiet you find out that in truth you do know. For in you, you know. Plane after plane will open to you. I want to know who I really am. It's as if in each of us there once was a fire and for some of us there seems as if there is only ashes now. But when we dig in the ashes we find one ember and very gently we fan that ember, blow on it, it gets brighter. And from that ember we rebuild the fire. The only thing that's important is that ember. That's what you and I are here to celebrate. That though we have loved our life totally involved in the world, we know, we know that we’re in the spirit. At first that still small voice that tiny ember is overshadowed by the incredible pressures, desires, attachments, possessions, collections of the world, of the marketplace. The ember gets stronger, flame starts to flicker a bit, and pretty soon you realize that all we're going to do for eternity is sit around the fire. We're going back into the cave of the heart. And the only beings that will sit around the fire with us are those that recognise the spirit. And the confusion in many of you comes from the recognition of that pull and the realization that that pull doesn't seem to fit in with the life you have designed for yourself. Even a good life, even a yogic life, even a communal life, even an economically simple life, because your life was built out of despair. Out of a feeling that even though you touched the spirit you could never be the spirit. Though you had touched love you could never be love. But your own unworthiness has led you to sell yourself short. Just feel in your heart now. Your own beauty allows for a moment yourself to recognise that the light of the universe can pour through you. YOU. Just who you are. You. We get educated, we go to therapists but we really don't ever believe we can change. Change in the most profound sense that where in the core of ourselves we felt ugliness there is suddenly beauty. Where in the core of ourselves we felt unworthiness there is suddenly purity and spirit. Who could have believed that you could be that beautiful? Do you believe it? Did you believe that you were living spirit? Do you believe it? Do you believe that little flickery ember you felt now and then could become the flame that would consume every impurity in you and leave you like a new baby. Get closer and closer and closer I am loving awareness I am loving awareness I am loving awareness
I love this man more than I could love any man other than the man and the boy that live in my house. But more than any other male that exists. Richard Alpert was Timothy Leary's research partner. They took a ton of acid and studied it at Harvard in the 1960s. They decided it was good for humanity and promptly got kicked out of Harvard stripped off their accolades and were seen as drug addicts.
In the early 70s Richard Alpert traveled to India and became Ram Dass. A name given to him by his guru Neem Karoli Baba. He then published many books and gave thousands of talks until his death in 2019. Wiki , Podcast are two places you can learn more. Plus his obituary in the New York Times.
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